So 5 years ago, I moved out of Chicago when the heat from the cops got to be too much and i couldnt get away with throwing illegal drug and alcohol fueled italo disco acid house electro teen sex parties and went to LA. Ever since I left everytime I’ve gone back to play a party its been awful, with the sole exceptions of when I was on tour with Digitalism (and even then the crowd didnt move) and when I went back for Christmas and played a party at Liars Club in around 07. Most of my friends moved out before the city went to complete shit, kinda like how animals can sense a coming earthquake, but some of my best friends and family still lived there, so I was forced to have to go back and keep trying to find a good party to play. Now, its pretty common knowledge that I talk a ton of trash on Chicago but I want to clarify that its not because I hate it, far from it, I love Chicago, I love the pizza, the italian beefs, the vienna beef sausages, the skyline, i love walking into bars I used to go to and seeing familiar faces and them knowing my drink order before I make it to the bar, i love that in the summer its still hot as fuck at night so we can break into the pool in bucktown and swim around and not die from the cold after. The way I feel about Chicago is disappointment, because at one point I thought, with 100% confidence, that I lived in the best city in the world. I remember the first time The Cobrasnake came to Chicago to photograph a party at the Jerkstore (RIP) he told me he’d never seen anything like it, and people still to this day (last night while i was watching the Bulls game in a bar in Brooklyn being the most recent) have people come up to me telling me they miss the Jerkstore days, yet something happened to Chicago where sure, I’m sure there are parties that are still “fun” but its generic fun, its like the urban outfitters ironic tshirt brand of fun, the “look at me chugging a can of pbr hurry up and take a photo” fun. That said, when I played for Furthersound on the 13th, and there were actually people there, and people dancing, and people excited, and people who knew the tracks, I was ELATED, easily the best party I’ve played in Chicago in 5 years, and as a bonus, they even put me in a suite in the Hilton downtown, which was completely unnecessary because I know so many people I can crash with in Chicago, so what did I do since I had the sweet hotel room? I had an impromptu New Phyrexia draft with my friends and ordered pizza, MAD NERD STATUS! I also ended up stage diving during Bloodrave, didnt see that one coming.

Lets rewind to the tuesday before all this where I played Iowa City. The first time I got hit up to do Iowa City I was pretty skeptical, I mean, really, Iowa city? I remember showing up at 10.30 and it being completely empty, my friend and I leaving to kill time at the hotel, coming back at 11.45 and as I’m walking down the stairs I’m saying “alright, im ready for this to be completely empty” and when I got to the bottom I saw that the entire room was full. Every time I’ve gone back has been great but the real reason I go back is because of this pizza spot called Mesa Pizza where they come up with the most retarded pizzas, this time I had a Buffalo chicken and blue cheese pizza and a southwestern beef with guacamole instead of sauce, fffffffffffff:

Back to the party, every damn time, Iowa City is great, probably because its a college town, or maybe because they make sweet flyers like this:
Look at that graphic design, its so POST MODERN! Also we always get put up in the best of accomodations, THE ILLUSTRIOUS DAYS INN OF CORALVILLE IOWA! I actually snorted 2ce for the first time at that spot the the last time I played after a particularly wild night at the party and ended up walking to the lobby to get a bucket of ice while thinking that there was blood gushing out of my face and i was growing gills on my arms. But enough about my ex-wife. The other thing I love about going to Iowa is I get to stop at the WORLDS BIGGEST TRUCKSTOP to get some sweet wolf Tshirts:
Onto the gig in St. Louis, which was also thrown by FurtherSound. My boy Brandon S who runs it told me “YO JOHNNY! Chicago is the preparty, St. Louis is where its really at” and after being on the road for so long I’ve found that the best parties are definetly no longer in the “primary markets” and STL was no exception, holy shit. I played with Oblivion here and in Chicago and we ended up doing a joint crowd surf during BLOODRAVE (again) and at the end of my set when I dropped FALL OF MAN, from the first sound of the bell tolling the circle pit opened up, I tried to get a photo of this dude who split his elbow open in the pit but it was super blurry, but here it is anyway:
I also found the car i owned when I was 16:
Last but not least, a hippie babe (what?) taught me how to hula hoop (all you have to do is thrust back and forth, hey im good at that!) and I got a video of Oblivion gettin his hoop on:

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